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Janko Krotecjanko's obituary

May 24, 1946 - September 6, 2009

Lesson of the desert

Last week we spent several days in the Palm Springs area, a gift from some very dear and generous friends. It is as beautiful as it is artificial. The warmth and peacefulness attracted me most. I was always curious about the desert, its lack and abundance of life.

My medical home care team made sure I had all the medications needed and would be in touch should a need arise. Our journey was without any major incidents though I finally realized that I am most comfortable in our little apartment, our home.

joshuatree

A Joshua tree in the desert

We devoted one day to a journey to Joshua Tree National Park. It was filled with sparse vegetation, all clinging to rocks and dry, sandy “soil” for dear life. There was no visible water, no rain – sometimes for years. Wow! How do they survive? Apparently some bushes, more like shrubs, push their roots as deep as one hundred feet into the rocky ground in order to find the precious little water needed for survival.

This precarious situation connected with my soul. How do we, I exist, survive and even thrive with the ever present reality of cancer? My process was gradual, not necessarily unique. Through tears and near desperation, dungeons of why me, denial and what ifs, came acceptance: I have cancer. Only time allowed me to find my own path: to live fully, without denial, to treat cancer as an inconvenience in my daily existence. I appreciate the present moment, the sunrise and sunset, staying connected to the deepest reaches of my soul. I do only what is most important, conserving energy, being practical. I love my family and friends and build the strongest possible network of support to be able to journey together. Life is an open road, a blank page where I can write my own story. I travel to places I always wanted to explore, doing the “impossible”, sharing and listening. Most of all I try to be as human as I know how, stepping out of my personal comfort zone and making myself visible.

I have found the “water of life” in the deepest parts of my being, in this desert of living with lymphoma. Daily challenges appear less daunting, pleasures more profound. Each day is more meaningful and rewarding than the last…

Until next time …

With love and affection,
Janko

“Hope is a waking dream.” Aristotle

    1 comment to Lesson of the desert

    • Julie Brassard

      Such beautiful words, Janko and such a powerful metaphor! Today, you have reminded me, in my relative good health, to reach deep and connect with my soul, thank you. I have been loving your blog and I look forward to more of your life’s story poetry.
      Julie~xo~

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